


bull's eye

by silvercross



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, M/M, Sheriff Stilinski Feels, War, sad! derek, soldier Stiles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:34:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvercross/pseuds/silvercross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>stiles is a soldier fighting in a war miles from home.</p><p>can he find his way home?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Stiles at in silence.

He stared at the notepad for a very long time. So long that the leg he had curled beneath him on the cold hard earth fell asleep. He had tried just getting his feelings down first, by hand with no distractions, but no words had appeared on the page. Then he tried listening to the music that drifted from his commanding officers tent while writing it, but still no epiphany. Agh why is this so god damn hard he thought. Major Moore had told him that tonight was dangerous and that stiles should write his farewell letters now because he could fucking die. He was taking point tonight, over the next ridge and down to the river. As the ranking officer he was going to be in command and as such there was a higher chance of him getting his head blown off.  

He had written his letter to his dad, Scott and Lydia all saying if they read this he was either injured or just gone if so he was really sorry and he loved them. Why was it so hard saying goodbye to Derek.

Why was it so hard to just say hey Derek if you’re reading this I'm dead and I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry I left and that I kinda love you in a more than a friend sort of way. He put his head in his hands; he shouldn’t be here commanding eight squadrons of men and women, leading them to their deaths. He had seen so much death out here already, at first he made sure not to forget the guys he fought with who died, mac, john, Robbie, Kyle, Marian, Kia, Sarah. He could carry on but those were the first to die he stopped counting the dead after he was the last one from his original squad still in active duty, god the war had been going on for so long now. He was so god damn tired of death.

Lying back on the hard ground he looked up at the stars, he never bothered to learn the constellations but looking up at the stars comforted him for some reason. They reminded him of balmy summer evenings spent with his dad then later Scott and on his last night before he was shipped off Derek. He smiled fondly remembering the way Derek had quietly lain beside him listening as he poured his heart out, all of his fears and doubts. If he just closes his eyes he would be able to see the shocked expression on his face when Stiles had kissed him. He was on a plane headed to North Korea eight hours later.

Stiles had joined the army reserves as a way to become more proficient in fighting techniques, first aid and earn some money to go towards college. How was he supposed to know Korea would start a war with America? He went all the way through basic, came out the other end more confident and better equipped to fight the supernatural shit storm that was his home. He hadn’t told anyone except his dad of course.

Six months later the war broke out.

He was called up to fight and at that point he had to tell his friends that he was going to be a soldier fighting in a war thousands of miles away. They all looked so distraught when he told them, like the thought of him going over was a completely ridiculous concept and he was certain to get himself killed. Four years had passed since then and he could safely say that he proved them wrong.  Now a captain he was the highest ranking officer in the camp except his commanding officer, but he had been shot in the thigh already and was unable to go back into the field. He was a lowly captain in command of over two hundred soldiers, fuck he was in over his head. Hell he knew exactly what he was doing and was an extremely competent commander but part of him still felt like that terrified 18 year old who had been given a gun and told to go kill people. He hadn’t had leave since his 19th birthday, the last time he spoke to his next of kin as his CO called it was Christmas when he had received called from the entire pack wishing him well. None of them had joined the cause. Stiles had made sure of that, he gave them every little gory detail of the war. It was enough to put any one off.  

Derek had been angry at him for going initially, but by the time he got round to saying anything Stiles was already gone. He then moved on to wanting to join the army too, but he had the pack to think about. He then wrote Stiles a letter every day, but the soldier was mover around too much to read and reply often. God he hated writing by hand on muddy pieces of paper with poorly sharpened pencils. God there was even a time when he had sent those letters stained with his own blood. That worried his friends and family how they hell was he meant to reply “hi guys sorry about the last letter I sent you I just got a little bit hit by shrapnel and happened to bleed all over it” they didn’t even send him home. _Just a flesh wound_ they had told him, sure as hell didn’t feel like a flesh wound when there was a piece of metal sticking out of his chest.

He thinks it might have been when he got injured that he realised he was never going to see home again. If that bomb had been four inches closer he would have been dead. No question just gone.

Gritting his teeth he leaned forward over the paper and began to write

_Dear Derek_

_If you are reading this…._

_~_ *~*~*~

He woke a couple hours later; dawn was a couple hours away he could tell from the green grey colour of the sky. His head had been resting at an awkward angle on him pack and his gun clutched tightly against his chest. Time to go he thought nervously, standing and straightening his fatigues he started waking his squadron leaders rattling off orders like he was born to do so. He reached the youngest of the leaders; Aaron he was 19 years old compared to Stiles 22. The kid hadn’t even started shaving and he was in charge of 30 soldiers.

“Up and at em kiddo” Stiles said shaking the boys shoulder.

“It’s time already sir?” he asked, he sounded so young, so terrified.

“yeah, now go wake the rest of your troop” Stiles replied gruffly, he didn’t have the luxury of being nice to these kids he needed to be a tough commander tonight, every other day he could be the soldiers best friend or worst enemy but when he was in charge of their lives he was simply the guy who would keep them alive.

Glancing at his watch he realised they had only five minutes before they needed to move out. Removing the letters he had written last night from his jacket he quickly left them in the out tray of the office. They were all marked with the same five words

Open in event of death.

On exiting the tent he immediately grabbed a full pack of ammunition and a belt of grenades. The troops were starting to line up behind their squad leaders.

They were ready.

“Dog Company takes the rear, over our tails. Charlie Company when we hit that ridge I want you to spread out on the right flank and provide cover fire if needed but keep low you will be in tall grass and we don’t want any wayward heads, delta you do the same on the left, don’t let them know you are there. Fox Company you will be on point with me easy you will stay on the ridge and wait for my command. Understand?”

A quiet chorus of affirmatives. Sticking on his helmet he set off at quick walk keeping low enough that the snipers wouldn’t see him. The rest of the men followed suit and the journey to the ridge was relatively simple indicating with clear hand gestures for Charlie and Delta to move off to the sides but only go about a hundred feet as after that there were potential mine fields. Signalling for absolute silence he lead fox over the ridge, Aaron was in charge of fox and Stiles had taken pity on him. Keeping close to the ground the captain slowly crept along the path the river slowly coming into sight. A movement to his right caught his attention, swinging his machine gun around ready to shoot he spotted it, the camp and ammo dump. There had to be eighty soldiers there all with guns ready realising his mistake he quickly gestured for a retreat, unfortunately the rather overzealous squad leader of easy too that as the signal to join them by the river. The second they came into range the shooting started. Aaron looked around scared, unsure where the shots were coming from in the gloom. Stiles shoved him to the floor narrowly avoiding a bullet,

“GET THE MEN BACK, RETREAT, RETREAT!” Stiles yelled as he unclipped a grenade from his belt. Pulling the pin with his teeth he threw the small bomb at the ammo dump. A large explosion lit up the sky but didn’t deter the shooters.

“Sir Come on we need to get out of here we are outnumbered!” Aaron yelled from the ground, the enemy were starting to swarm from the camp. Stiles pulled out another grenade, roughly yanking out the pin.

That’s when he felt the bullets hit him.

Square in the chest, bull’s eye, perfect shot. The second was a ricochet and only clipped him in the throat luckily it didn't cut the carotid. He dropped the grenade as he fell to the ground, he only realised a second later what he had done.

“RUN AARON RUN LIVE GRENADE” he screamed, the young man scrambled away mere moments before the grenade went off right next to Stiles.


	2. drifting in the stars

“RUN AARON RUN LIVE GRENADE” he screamed, the young man scrambled away mere moments before the grenade went off right next to Stiles...

He felt the sharp pain as his left arm was hit by the explosion, his ears rang and the world was silent, quieter than it had been in four years. But worse was still to come in the form of the ammo dump exploding…again. Stiles felt the blistering heat lick at his left foot and up his leg, flaming debris landing on his shirt, lifting his uninjured arm he pulled at his shirt ripping off his dog tags at the same time the metal being so hot it scorched his skin, he looked down to see what was causing him such immense pain and saw that his pant leg was on fire panicking he rolled until he was in the river, his arm barely clinging to the bank his back sunk into the soft sand, the gentle lap of the water soothed the burning pain . Sighing in relief he looked back up at the destroyed enemy camp, men were fleeing from the burning wreckage, American and Korean alike. A great sadness filled him when he saw Aaron and another kid lying side by side. Aaron was fine knocked out and a little burnt but otherwise ok, but the other… half of his head was missing and his skin was blackened and cracked, blood wept from the wounds staining the ground a dark red, the cloying smell of cooking flesh filled Stiles’ nose and made him gag. It was when he looked away that he realised that he was in deep trouble.

His arm was… _hanging_ he could see bone and lead through his shirt, swallowing painfully he tried to move it only to open in mouth wide in a silent scream of agony. He was going to lose it he was sure. Nothing that looked like it doubled as a colander could be saved, he had seen and dressed too many wounds similar to his own to have hope. He was going to be one of those people if he got out alive, he would be a cripple.  

Lifting his shirt he inspected the neat hole in his chest it had hit him on the upper right side of his chest, blood pumped out at a steady pace. His lung was collapsing he could tell from the wet wheezing sounds coming from his own body. His vision went spotty as he gasped for air he tried to call out but no sound escaped his lips. Terror engulfed him as he saw his own death slumped on a river bank in a foreign country miles from home. Alone. He fought for breath but all he could see was his father receiving the flag. Some poor devil would find his body clinging to the river bank, cold and wet and lifeless.

Tears filled his eyes as he looked up at the stars once more, the comforting familiarity of the millions of tiny dots of light soothed his frightened soul. In that moment he was home, no fire raging just over his shoulder, not gun fight killing his friends, nothing but simple reassurance that no matter what happened it would all be ok. Closed his eyes and allowed tears to roll down his cheeks he imagined warm arms holding him, different faces flashed past his vision, his dad; with his weak heart and strong soul. Scott the boy who never let go, the man he had grown to be, powerful compassionate good. He saw Lydia her eternal beauty he did love her but not in the right way she was so clever, he admired that about her. He saw Derek, with all of his rough edges and gruff aggression. Derek with his barely contained pain and guilt. He felt it all the sadness that filled the wolf. Last he saw his mother, not how she was when she died but the beautiful, energetic woman who loved him so much she would have taken down every star and hung them in his room had he asked.

He drifted looking at the stars. To him it felt like falling, falling into the night sky, that inky abyss was swallowing him whole. He was gone floating upon a blissful river, he wasn’t cold or hurt he was at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment :) 
> 
> i love comments 
> 
> comments make me write more


	3. Oh Please God No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the sheriff is notified

The sheriff stared intensely at the paper, he stared at the section on the war the same way he did every morning. He read the reports of the conditions like his life depended on it. In a way it did, if he found that Pyongyang where stiles had been based last time they spoke had been bombed or shelled or anything that could endanger his little boy he would be on edge for days.

"Come on sir stop it’s not good for you I'm sure stiles is fine" Isaac said as he slid to sit at the kitchen table. The young man had moved in after stiles had left he needed a home and john had a hole to fill, he was a good kid, he looked after the sheriff and he stopped the old man from obsessing too much.

"Alright kiddo I'll stop" the sheriff replied putting down the newspaper. A knock at the door sounded, frowning he looked at his watch.  
Who would be at his door this early? He looked to Isaac who shrugged in response. He went and opened the door. A very young man in army uniform stood on the other side.

"Are you sheriff John Stilinski?" The soldier asked quietly. The sheriff’s world went dark and a cold hand gripped his heart painfully.

"Yes" he choked. The youth snapped into a poor salute his arm peeked out of his too big uniform and exposed the bandages around his wrist and hand.

There were tears in his eyes.

  
"Sheriff I regret to inform you that your son Captain Stilinski was killed in action on the fourth of May in a grenade and fuel explosion." The kids voice wavered as he spoke and a single tear slid down his cheek

" I wanted to be the one to tell you sir because your son saved my life" the old man clutched the door frame gasping for breath. He kept hearing it again and again

_your son has been killed in action_

_son has been killed in action_

_has been killed in action_

_been killed in action_

_killed in action_

_oh god Stiles is dead_

He'd had this nightmare countless times but the reality was so much worse. He slid to the floor, tears cascading down his face. He allowed a single mournful cry to escape him.

His son was gone.

His baby that he swore to protect.

The last of his family.  
  
Vaguely he registered Isaac come to the door.

 Followed by a long stream of no nonononono oh god no

  
"I'm sorry sir, I'm so sorry" the young man whispered before handing the sheriff the flag and turning to leave

"did he suffer?" Isaac asked quietly. The tortured look that he gave Isaac was all the answer they needed.  
Aaron returned to the car.

"To the residence of Derek hale please" as he drove away he heard a mournful howl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry this was such a short chapter 
> 
> please please please comment, i really want to know what you think 
> 
> i need a little help with the story line please tell me how you think it should continue ( i told my friend how i wanted to continue but she didn't like it so back to the drawing board) 
> 
> so COMMENT !!! :D


	4. No Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek is informed

Derek groaned as he heard a knock at the door. He had drunk far too much last night, it was the anniversary of Stiles leaving.

it was far too early for any sane person to be calling.

Cursing who ever invented alcohol and wolfs bane mix he rolled out of bed and shuffled to the door.

The sight of a young soldier greeted him.

For a second he thought it was stiles come home to him but the young man lifted his too big hat and green eyes greeted him instead of amber ones 

"Are you Mr Derek hale?" He asked. Frowning Derek replied 

"Yes I am Derek hale why?" The soldier looked down for a second 

"Are you aware after his father you are listed as next of kin to captain stiles stilinski?"

Derek's heart stopped oh god the only reason they ever came to peoples doors was when the next of kin was dead or injured 

"I was aware that I was the next of kin yes" Derek whispered his mouth suddenly dry 

"I am sorry to inform you that captain stilinski was killed in action" Derek's senses went white. 

 

Stiles. 

 

HIS stiles was dead.

 

For a split second Derek was furious. He had told him hadn't he?

 

He had said that if that idiot went out there he would get himself killed.

 

 And that's exactly what he had done he… he had inflicted another god damn death on Derek. 

 

The young soldier shifted uncomfortably in front of Derek. 

 

"Come in" the wolf gasped moving away from the door to collapse on the sofa.

 

"When...when did he d-die?" Derek whispered shallowly. Tears were pricking in his eyes now but he refused to cry. 

 

"Fourth of May" the boy replied quickly. The beta flicked his eyes to the calendar quickly. 

 

 _Eighteen days ago_  

 

He had been gone over two weeks and he didn't even know,

no feeling,

no warning

he was just dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys love the comments keep them coming. 
> 
> if you want to talk to me directly email me at silvercross_1@yahoo.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaron talks to derek about stiles' death

He had been gone over two weeks and he didn't even know, no feeling, no warning he was just dead. 

 

"He was killed by an ammo dump explosion" the kid continued.

 

"What?" Derek asked clearing his voice "what happened?" the boy hesitated before beginning haltingly

 

"We were sent to clear the ridge down to the river and clear an enemy out post- it was in an unknown location we were told the mission would be dangerous.

 

Our Intel was incomplete and we walked straight into an ambush.

 

Stiles spotted them though and called a retreat but the guys on the ridge behind were a little jumpy and decided to rush to help us stiles was moving us back when they started shooting.

 

 He was tossing grenades at them when he got shot.

 

 Once in the chest, bloody lucky too, in the service we call it a bulls eye, just in the junction of Kevlar.  

 

Stiles dropped the grenade he was holding, me and another guy were literally on top of him, he yelled for me to get out of the way.

 

Saved my life.

 

The grenade went off and I lost sight of him.

 

Then the ammo dump went up in flames, we were too close.

 

I got burnt and Stiles, he… he was practically cremated.

 

The only way we could ID him was from his dog tags, we were lucky to even get that, the silver disk he wore was melted so badly it was unrecognisable.” Derek knew he had asked but the description of his lover’s death made him feel sick and dizzy.

 

“I'm so sorry for your loss” the soldier continued Derek shuddered

_Sorry for you loss, Stiles was lost to him_

“I only met Stiles six months ago but he was the best commanding officer you could ask for.

_Stiles always was the best, god why didn’t I tell him that more often?_

 I was a kid when I joined up, sure I was confident and skilled at what I did but I didn’t have any experience.

_Just like him, at least he’s out now_

Stiles kept me alive when so many of the guys who I was in basic with died.

_Sounds like Stiles, looking after those who can’t look after themselves_

It wasn’t just me you know, he was good at what he did I don’t even know how many guys Stiles kept alive. _Maybe he should have been a little more concerned with himself_

In our battalion alone… god when people got told that the cap was dead the look of sheer defeat on their faces said it all.

_Everyone always loved Stiles, hated me, we balanced each other out_

Stiles was still a kid like us when he was drafted and the fact that he was so young gave us hope that we could survive.

_But he didn’t. Did he?_

Fuck I miss him,

_I miss him too_

He took me under his wing you know.

_That’s just like him_

He was my friend god knows I’ve lost enough of them, we all did.

_I’ve lost people too_

Mentioned you a couple times, talked about this guy back home that drove him crazy,

_Me drive him crazy more like him drive me crazy_

We got drunk off some moonshine one of the guys cooked up one night.

_Stiles could never hold his liquor_

He told me he loved you.”

 

Derek had slowly been withdrawing into himself resting his head in his hands. Tears had started to drip down his face   

 

“I loved him too” Derek whispered. Aaron gently placed his hand on Derek’s shoulder

“I'm so sorry”

In that instant Derek went from distraught to angry.

“I think you should leave” Derek hissed

“You…” Aaron sputtered

“Leave!” Derek roared as he stood up into Aaron’s space, immediately the soldier pushed him back

“I just came to give you the news, Jesus don’t shoot the messenger man” Derek turned and punched the wall

“GET OUT!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys happy holidays 
> 
> hope you like the update 
> 
> as always i live for comments so please do tell me what you thought !!


	6. No Chance to Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stiles is buried can derek cope

Derek attended the funeral. He didn’t want to but this was his goodbye to Stiles… the only goodbye he would get anyway. The sheriff had almost banned him from coming when the wolf turned up at his house and explained his relationship with Stiles. Needless to say john had not been pleased; his son the _war hero_ was involved with a very male werewolf. But john had allowed Derek’s presence at Stiles funeral when the wolf broke down in tears on the sheriff’s doorstep.

Derek wore a suit and tie. He hated that suit; it was the same one he had worn at his family’s funeral, and the memorial in Laura’s honour. He had never worn the damned thing to a happy occasion… he had thought that one day he would take Stiles on a fancy date somewhere and maybe he would get to make some nice memories to ward away the pain that seemed to stick to the garments and engulf Derek each time he wore it.

But Stiles wasn’t coming back. Stiles was never coming home.

Derek would never get the chance to take Stiles on that date. He would never get to tell Stiles that he secretly loved his laugh. He would never get the chance to wake up beside him.

He would never… Derek never got the chance to… he wouldn’t know that Derek…

These thoughts chased themselves around the wolfs head for days after they laid an empty coffin to rest. Days after Derek had knelt by the soldier’s grave and whispered that he didn’t know what to do now, that without Stiles’ presence in his life he felt like there was a knife in his gut and a lump in his throat. He knew Stiles had been gone a long time but there was a difference between knowing that he was alive and having the soul crippling knowledge that the man he …cared for was dead somewhere in a godforsaken hell hole.  

He didn’t know how long after Scott found him but Derek vaguely registered that it was raining, it didn’t really matter to him, the deep soul shattering sobs that shook him were the only things that he could focus on.

 _Maybe_ , he thought, _maybe once today is over I’ll feel better, maybe it won’t hurt so much_.

 _Let it go_ , that’s what people told him, _that’s what would be healthy_ , but he didn’t want to let go. He wanted to hold the pain close to his chest and never let go because it was the only thing he had left of Stiles, when the pain went away he would be alone…again.

Scott took him home, dried him off and put him in bed. The wolf had been so numb he just let himself be moved. He didn’t get up the next day, or the day after, or the day after that. He just couldn’t face it,

_I-I need some time to work out how to live knowing he isn’t._

Derek told Scott when he came to Derek’s loft and found a very depressed wolf sitting in bed with red eyes and a trashed room. Unsure of what to do Scott just nodded and left him to his grief.

 _Dammit Stiles why did you do it, why did you leave me?_ Derek thought for what must have been the billionth time after Scott left.

Although he was loath to admit it one thought rattled around his head

“I need you” Derek whispered to no one in particular

“I-I love you,

I'm sorry”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loving the feed back guys i hope you like the new chapter!!!!
> 
> as always i hope you comment please!!!

**Author's Note:**

> please please please comment. i love comments. i live for comments :)
> 
> if you want to contact me directly email me at silver_cross1@yahoo.co.uk


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